So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
