I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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