you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
