this beer tastes like vomit already
she told me i tasted like america
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
