I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
