The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
