I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
