cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
