I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
cat food counts as protein by the way
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
