I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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