You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
