i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
