I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
