What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
