Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
