Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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