I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
