woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They took my balls.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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