Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
