I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
