Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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