Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
