i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
