i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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