i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
