i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
