I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
