Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
