Sponge bath it is.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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