haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
