im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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