we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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