can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
