it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he puts the penis in happiness.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
