I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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