I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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