Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
