Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
