Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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