I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
