Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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