it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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