I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
