no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
