Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
