Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
