Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
