I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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