i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
