3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
