we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
