i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
