I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
