You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
