K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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