Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
